Here's a column I've been wanting to write for a little while but I've been putting it off because it's a bit of a personal one. It's about the fact that I don't drink alcohol (never have done, most likely never will) and how that's affected me during my life – as a teenager when the cool thing to be doing was going out and drinking as much as you could and then venturing into my experiences in the punk rock scene, where sometimes it seems that almost every other band shouts out "who's getting drunk tonight!?"
Before really getting going I should probably explain why I have decided not to drink. Without naming names and getting myself in trouble, there has been instances of alcoholism in my family that resulted in some really terrible times for me and definitely affected me more than I realised at the time. Now might be a good time to add a bit of a disclaimer about how this isn't a column designed to get me any sympathy, I'm completely over it and am only writing this to hopefully help anyone who might have gone through similar things. To me, as a child between the ages of around 8–14 alcohol seemed to bring arguments, stress, tension and a general letting down of anyone who needs and depends on you. I quickly made the decision that I wanted no part of that – alcohol doesn't do good things for people. Growing up in that world was not so pleasant.
I think growing up in that world really affected me in a social capacity. When I got to the age where drinking was a thing that my friends wanted to do, I quickly felt uncomfortable and out of place. At thirteen years old, the conversation about going out for a drink or having a beer never really comes up – or didn't in my circle of friends (we were and still are all angels). When we began to hit eighteen however life got hard. As is the norm for people that age, you want to go out drinking at pubs and clubs as much as you can. The thought of this filled me with all sorts of anxiety and was very happy to have the readymade of excuse of having to work Saturday nights. The thought of going out, not drinking, being surrounded by drunk folk and people asking why I'm not drinking terrified me. That question of "why don't you drink?" always made me so uncomfortable. The answer would usually be because I don't want to rather than admit the truth. Looking back now, this really made me feel like a bit of an outcast amongst my friends. Through no fault of theirs I have to add – they weren't doing anything wrong. My refusal to go on those nights out also prevented me ever making new friends or meeting girls and doing all those other things that happen on these nights out. I really found myself locked hard into my shell and I was very lonely.
Eventually, through work, I did make some more pals and slowly my confidence grew to the point where I felt comfortable going to the pub and then eventually on a few nights out. Those nights out always ended early for me though, solely because I found them to be quite boring. It wasn't the company at all. It was the going somewhere, ordering your drink – mine’s a Pepsi – then spending the time drinking your drink, arguing where you go next rather than enjoying each other’s company. And because my intention wasn't drinking to get drunk, I drank my drink at a more leisurely pace. I'd end up having to down my drink quickly because the majority of the group would be ready to move on to the next place to do the same all again until you eventually ended up at the same place you would every night out anyway. Eventually after doing this a few times, I gave up with going out – it was really bloody boring!
Through that group of friends, I ended up going to my first ever punk gig and my life changed forever. I had somewhere to go for a night out where I could enjoy the music, have fun and not drink – or so I thought. It turned out that a lot of people saw going to a gig as a big reason to just go out and get drunk. It was just a night out with a live band rather than a god awful DJ playing the same songs as last week, last month, last year etc. I loved gigs though and didn't want to stop going. As I started going to more and more gigs, there came a time when I would have to go by myself because my pals just weren't into it like I was into it. And as I got more into it, I would discover smaller bands playing smaller venues and then life got awesome. These were my people, sure people were drinking and often getting a bit drunk but it wasn't about drinking to get drunk, it was just drinking sociably and getting drunk just kind of happened. I'd never felt more comfortable in such a social setting with that many people who I didn't know. As I got more comfortable in that environment, I became more settled around drunk people. Admittedly it took me a few years to then begin making friends but, largely thanks to this blog and Paul Be Sharp coming to talk to me at a New Cross show, I eventually did and felt more part of a social group than I ever had. In a way, it helped me see why people might decide to drink. It loosens your inhibitions and makes you more social and does help you to make friends. I feel like me deciding not to drink really slowed down my growth as a person and having that ability to talk to people I didn't know.
That last sentence might sound as if I regret being a sober person in my younger days but that's not true. Sure, it definitely made things a lot harder for me but I'm so proud of myself for sticking to my guns and never bowing to the mass amount of peer pressure I've had to deal with throughout my adult life. Do you know how often you get told that "you should try everything once" when you tell people you've never tried alcohol? It's a lot! I started to come up with the most ridiculous or extreme scenarios to tell people they should try them…
For me, this whole feeling of finally being accepted is the biggest thing DIY punk rock has given me. It's given me amazing times, amazing friends and most importantly an amazing life and a feeling of truly belonging somewhere – it's a really lovely feeling. I am now, for the most part, completely comfortable around my drunken friends and actually find a lot of their antics quite comical – when you see your pal introducing themselves to somebody, assuring them they're the least intimidating person they will ever meet whilst getting closer and closer to their face, it's hard not to have a fun time.
I've learnt that it's okay not to drink, it's also okay to drink. Just respect the people around you and don't be a dick. Some people can feel uncomfortable it certain situations – be wary of them, don't pressure them and make them feel worse. Be pals.
This column was written by Colin Clark.
No comments:
Post a Comment